Passover 2015 humour!

 

Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction?
A: A matzochist.

 

  Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn’t even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up. Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

“You, Moses, heed me !  I have good news, and bad news.”

 Moses was staggered. The voice continued:

 “You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage.  If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with   a rain of frogs”

“You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a  plague of Locust.”

 “You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If  Pharaoh’s army pursues you, I will part the waters of  the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land.”

 Moses was stunned. He stammered, “That’s…. that’s fantastic.  I can’t believe it! — But what’s the bad news?”

“You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.”

 Viagra is banned during Pesach, along with all other agents causing things to rise.

mortgage.png

Who was the best businesswoman in the Bible?

Pharaoh’s daughter: she pulled a prophet out of the water.

What did Momma Dog tell Baby Dog when the Jews were leaving Egypt?
HUSH PUPPY! HUSH PUPPY!

Pesach

What did the people on the Titanic use for marror?
ICEBERG LETTUCE!

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